Alien Attack!

Alien Attack
by the Pooper Scooper

In her very first report, The Pooper Scooper shares her blow-by-blow account of this year’s most bizarre incident, yet…
Sunday, September 07, 2008.

At exactly a quarter before noon, I played witness to one of the most gruesome incidences that rocked the Ilonggo House. My manong Aki, manong, manang and manang tintin were busily minding their usual Sunday chores when suddenly there was....

.........AN ALIEN ATTACK!!!!
It was a gruesome sight. Believed to be neither human, feline nor canine. Its body was filled with speckles of brown dots, with an unruly mane resembling that of a chewed stuffed toy. It appeared before us, emerging beneath the gushing waterfalls and amidst the flurry of bubbly, slippery soap suds…

“hrrrr.. hrrrr…hrrrrrr…” it went. I could have sworn, there was even a time when it meowed.

“What do you want?” pleaded my manong Aki. “We don’t have any valuables!” You can have our lunch once it’s ready, but please don’t hurt us..”
And with a look so menacing, it went…

“hrrrrr…. hrrrr…. ahrrrrrr..”

It’s devilish eyes gnawed at us. It was horrifying. I was more afraid that it would eat me. Don’t mind my manong Koykoy, it would probably take the creature days to finish him and his pata-ish legs.

By this time the creature had managed to imprison manong Aki and me.
“Please…” I pleaded to my manang who was crowing like a wuss behind the stool (i.e. chair) out of the creature’s sight… “Please tell my nanay, tatay and manongs and manangs in Bacolod that I love them..”
But my manong Aki was too brave. He would not let any mangy alien separate us from our lunchies (Manang promised him a fudgee bar).

He engaged the creature in a battle to the slobbery death. (It would be important to note that the creature was only about 1/5th his size)
And so, feeling trapped, the creature left in a scurry… In its last act of desperation, the creature even tried to flood the Ilonggo House by using its karate chop jutsu to break the waterfall.
But manong was quick to apprehend it before it could complete its dastardly deed.
Beaten, the creature vanished, just as mysteriously as it appeared.

“hrrrrr…. hrrrrrrr… aaahrrrrrr..” it went before finally dissipating into the puddle of soapy water.

And then the creature was no more.

And once again, everything and everyone is safe in the Ilonggo House.