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September 16, 2008

Monochrids R' Us

Monochrids R’ Us
By Prof. Heinz Hummer, DDP

(Professor Hummer wishes to advise that some contents of this article may contain certain words, although purely medical, that are not for consumption of puppies, kittens and other minors. Puprental Guidance is Strictly Advised. Further, materials in this post need not be approved by this blag site's administrator and were not verified as to its accuracy and veracity. Information, materials and the characters in this blag are the sole accountability of Prof. Hummer.)

In my entire study of Doggie Psychology, most of my male clients confessed to be bothered by almost the same issue- being teased as a MONOCHRID.

What is a

I have heard of this word in various occasions and concerning various doggieviduals. Some of my closest kins who were called as such were my brothers, Severino “750” Pepito, Askalon and most recently, Achilles. I am most fortunate to not be called a “monochrid”, or prior to my manang’s consultation with me- a “monotesticled” or “monotoothered” doggie pooh. I believe my manong2 and manong3 in Bacolod City use the more profane term to describe such a condition. However, my intellectual self could not possibly permit such a vulgar word so I’m bleeping it.

Now, I am only a Doggie Psychologist so I am calling out to my Mommy Secretary (can I call you Mommy, too Ms. Secretary?) and The Animal Doctor for a better medical definition for this condition. My doggie researchers, however, were able to arrive at the following definition:

Monochrid - only one testicle dropped into scrotum, one retained in the abdomen

However, let me caution all you hoomans before you start calling your podsings a monochrid. Most dogs do not normally show both toothers while they are still puppies. Usually, it would appears as a single toother as in the case of my brother, Severino Pepito (see the wuss looking choco boy posing with my Tatay, below) who suffered the indignation of being teased as a monotoothered podsing since he was 2 (months old). When he reached 10 however, his toother started to become two which I believe, he received with so much pride and arrogance that he started to show off and impress his masculinity upon all the podsings in The Runt House.

So there you have it all you podsings and catsings! Until my next post. I hope you guys leave this site, a little smarter.

Note from the Inu Ogler: Shortly after Prof. Hummer posted this article, he received a livid peemail from his brother, Severino Pepito, threatening him of a case to be filed in the Hall of Doggone Justice. Apparently, the consultation of Mr. Pepito with Prof. Hummer was covered by the latter’s Privileged Communication/ Confidential Relationship. Prof. Hummer is currently working out an amicable settlement over the said case.
A very reliable informant, whom we will hide under the name “Federico Suave” (not his real name) informed that some items in the said settlement involve custody over half of Prof. Hummer’s daily rations, a written promise that he would lose a total of 5 inches around his belly within the month and that he would end all of his posts with the words “Pipip” –short for Mr. Pepito’s full first name. Prof. Hummer was last seen howling expletives.

When asked if they would like to file cases against Prof. Hummer on account of their inclusion in his latest article, both Mr. Askalon and Mr. Achilles gave the following look…


Sweepy said...

Woofy, Heinz! Akikoy and whatshisface:

If you mean balls, well, my big brother Bogart has only One ball while me and my Popsy Sumo has two. Keeper said my Mumsy Pica must have licked it to oblivion due to her OC ways of keeping us clean 24/7.

Balls, farts, booger and drools are never obscene in my books. If they are, what good is a hound's life!


PS. Maybe not having two balls make one look dumb. Look at Bogart. But SuperDogs are not defined by their balls but by their drool charm.

I rest my case.

Greenwoods Pet Clinic said...

Dont worry Koykoy, I have already made an appointment for an interview with the Animal Doctor regarding your current obsession-er, problem.

Watch out for our feature on Monochrids coming out this week!

and yes you can call me Mommy Secretary ehehe

- the Secretary

Anonymous said...

hi mommy secretary!

actually, aki asked me to research the meaning of monochrid. My manang was able to read about it from a book, the whereabouts of which, are now uknown to her (we call it old age)hehe...

i don't really get to post my adventures as my doggie psychies cannot effectively transmit my thoughts from bacolod city to cebu. I only do research for Aki and Poopie.

I'm so happy that we now have a mommy. I'd like to wag my tail for it, but there's not much of a tail to wag.


P.S: Mommy, maybe you can help me with my case against my wuss brother 750. My manang said you are a hooman lawyer. Can hooman lawyers join in doggie trials too?